No doubt many of Illahee’s secular humanist friends have enjoyed reading about the impending rapture this Saturday. We’re excited as well, as this presents us with an unprecedented fund- raising opportunity.
Our challenge, of course, is that time is limited. We have less than 24 hours to raise… well we don’t even know what our development target should be, since we’re not sure if we’ll have any expenses come Sunday morning. Plus, what time on Saturday does this latest rapture episode start, exactly? Eastern time, mean Greenwich, or maybe Jerusalem time? It would be helpful to know.
But setting these details aside for now, there’s also the question of what to ask for. Should we ask supporters who are planning on not being on Earth next week, to just leave us EVERYTHING? We’ve had mixed experiences selling cars on Craigslist, so we’re a little wary of getting into the estate-sale business in a big way. Should we open an e-Bay account for the stuff that doesn’t sell locally? Finally, it occurs to us that we might want to limit gifts to things that are less likely to burst into flame — jewelry, precious metals, tools, etc.
If you ARE thinking about a significant gift, please don’t send cash and checks, not only because of flammability, but also because it won’t reach us until Monday, if there is a Monday. PayPal, ACH transfers, stocks, and bonds should be fine. Yes, those won’t be processed for three to five business days, but remember, it’s the time at which the gift is made, rather than received, that determines its qualification for a tax deduction or heavenly indulgence, as death and taxes essentially fall under the same guidelines. So go ahead and hit that PayPal button. Keep hitting it. That’s it.
You’re probably wondering what your contribution will be used for. Most years we’d tell you, but under the circumstances, why would you care? If you must know, however, we’ve got a couple of initiatives in mind. After we complete our website overhaul — paper publications being impractical in a warmer climate — we’ll be looking into the topic of “sacred cows” here in our secular little town and beyond. If you sense a Buddhist overtone in this initiative, well yes, we do want to explore the fundamentally illusory nature of things, (e.g., the rapture) especially local favorites like sustainability, local food, and a pedal-powered transportation system. Not that there’s anything wrong with any of these things. Just the opposite. We’d like to see more of them (for example, a daily rapture would be nice). No, our concern with all of these things and more, is the issue of over-promising and under-delivering, which is really the big problem with the rapture, isn’t it?
That’s why we’re appealing to folks now during the exciting build up to this latest edition of the rapture. Now’s the time to make your contribution, and make it big, while you’re still delusional. And if you’re not planning on being “away” for an extended period, perhaps you’d like to contribute now anyway, as Illahee is nearing its own end-days for this fiscal year. In the unlikely case that we’ll need to pay bills, run our programs, or make payroll in these last few weeks of our fiscal year – plus roll out next season starting this July – we’ll need your help. We’re looking to raise anywhere from $25,000 to $25,000,000 depending on supporters’ assets and perspectives on reality. We look forward to hearing from you, in this world or the next.